


I'm only human, afterall

by Readingfanfics



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Sad, Sherlock is broken, greg is lost, not really healthy, sex to deal with feelings, sherlock doesn't know the word no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:48:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8477644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readingfanfics/pseuds/Readingfanfics
Summary: After John and Mary's wedding Sherlock stands in front of Greg Lestrade's doorstep. Greg knows better, he really does, but he let's him in anyway.-------------------------------------------------------------------Attention! Do read the tags, this story is sligtly darker then I normal write Sherlock and Greg and I agree the start of their 'relationship' is not the best start.





	1. Chapter 1

Greg knew it was a bad idea the moment Sherlock turned up on his doorstep. It was a week after John and Mary's wedding and Sherlock already looked like hell. It didn't register to a stranger, Greg supposed. It took him years to figure out how Sherlock was feeling by reading his eyes, his body language, the colour of his shirts. It was a skill learned by trial and error but today, today he knew what Sherlock wanted instantly and he couldn't say no. Couldn't turn him down.

 

“Sherlock.”

 

“Shut up and kiss me Lestrade.”

 

It had been desperate and sloppy. Passionate with a hint of anger. Greg had moaned, Sherlock had growled and suddenly they were naked, Sherlock begging him to go 'harder, harder Lestrade, make it hurt' and Greg not being able to say no, to turn him down.

 

He knew it was bad idea. And he did it anyway.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The second time was even better. And worse. Sherlock had solved a crime, in his own, unique, brilliant way that made Greg envy and admire him.

 

It had all been fine, business as usual till Anderson couldn't keep his mouth shut and Sherlock had shrunk two sizes before their very eyes. Greg had wanted to strangle Anderson right there, the way Sherlock looked broken and lost, alone without John. Sherlock's gaze had shifted to Greg's just for second but it had been enough for Greg to know.

 

He should have said no. He took Sherlock home anyways.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

The third time had been insane, everybody had left for the night, Greg catching up on some paperwork and Sherlock had stood at the doorstep of his office. A bundle of nervous energy, wound up like a clock, ready to go off.

 

Greg didn't even have time to speak, or clean up his papers before Sherlock was on him, going down on his knees and opening up Greg's fly.

 

“Sherlock! I'm at work! You can't... aggrr oh fuck!”

 

Sherlock had just smirked, taking Greg in even further, pushing him to the brink in record time before going off, opening his trousers and turning around.

 

“Bend me over your desk Lestrade. I've been so bad, I deserve to be punished.”

 

Greg should have known then but his cock was using up all his blood so he just stood up, reached out and took Sherlock on his desk. The sounds coming out of Sherlock's mouth forever etched into his brain as he fucked him hard and relentless, one hand on Sherlock's cock while the other pulled his delicious curls.

 

It ended sloppy and too soon and Greg felt dirty afterwards, zipping up, noticing the tears in Sherlock's eyes.

 

“Sherlock.”

 

“Don't Lestrade.”

 

He'd left, coat bellowing behind him and Greg wanted nothing more then to take it all back.

 


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn't till a couple of weeks later in that it finally snapped. The illusion Greg had formed in his mind, the delusion that this was something more.

 

“Oh Sherlock, that's so good.”

 

“Harder Lestrade, harder!”

 

“Oh baby, yes,yes. Just like that, so tight.”

 

“Oh my god! I'm close, close, oh please, Yes! John, oh John, JOHN!”

 

It had hit Greg like a bus, or a hoard of elephants. He felt sick, more so by the fact that he'd come after that, two more shoves had been enough.

 

Sherlock had looked like a deer in headlights, scrambling to crab his clothes, not able to look at Greg.

 

“Lestrade, I.”

 

His voice had been a whisper, but it had pierced Greg's heart, making him bleed.

 

“You need to leave Sherlock.”

 

“Lestrade, I didn't...”

 

“Now. Leave.”

 

He could barely speak, the words coming out through clenched teeth as he watched Sherlock go, a hesitation in his step that made Greg want to scream.

 

He'd showered for a long time after, rubbing himself till his skin was red and raw. Tears were streaming down his face, the shame and humiliation too much to bare. Not to mention the disgust.

 

He'd never been more grateful he had a weekend off, wrapping himself in self blame and guilt for the rest of it, easing greasy food and wearing worn off clothes, trying to watch some telly and catch up on some reading.

 

All the while he heard Sherlock scream out John's name as Greg was still inside of him.

 

He wanted to bury a hole and die.

 


	5. Chapter 5

And now here he was, what had always felt like home and comfort now felt like a trap. He hadn't expected Sherlock back here, hadn't expected to feel so twisted. Happy to see him, angry at himself for being happy. The want to reach out and touch him was overwhelming. Images coming to mind of them being together, Sherlock's needy sounds, the feeling of being inside him, the touch of his lips against Greg's own. He didn't want to look at Sherlock but couldn't stop himself either. He looked beautiful. And lost.

 

“Lestrade. Can I come in. Please?”

 

The softness of the please shook Greg to the core. Sherlock never said please, he never showed weakness. Before he could think about it he nodded, stepping aside to let Sherlock in, careful not to touch him. He couldn't touch him, never again.

 

Sherlock stopped in the middle of the flat, his eyes roaming the room as if seeing it for the first time, really seeing it. Greg saw a small smile when he saw all the books, a whole bookcase full, some piles next to it. Sherlock frowned as he saw the photo of his ex wife Abigail.

 

“We parted as friends Sherlock, I still talk to her from time to time.”

 

It was out of his mouth before thinking it through. Sherlock shrugged a shoulder, his hands in the pockets of his coat and Greg realised Sherlock was nervous.

 

“Why are you here Sherlock?”

 

It had been a week since then, since Greg had felt his chest ripped into pieces. He hadn't contacted Sherlock for anything, not even a difficult case that he knew Sherlock would find interesting. They solved it, just more slowly. It had felt good, knowing he was still good at his job without Sherlock.

 

“I. I need to a-apologise. For- for everything.”

 

Sherlock spoke softly, eyes staying on Greg's for a second before going to the ground, bouncing back and forth.

 

“What I did. It- I have no excuse Lestrade. I don't know wh-what got into me.”

 

Sherlock looked up, the beginning of tears in his eyes. Greg stepped forward without thinking but stopped just in time, his hand awkwardly flying mid air. He took a deep breath, slowly lowering it, looking at Sherlock with disbelief. He wanted to reach out, wipe the tears away, hold him close but that was the problem wasn't it.

 

“You needed comfort and you knew I wouldn't say no. You deduced how I feel about you, probably from the start,and waited till you needed it. Needed me.”

 

His voice was hard like glass, eyes piercing into Sherlock's. He felt a wave of disappointment as Sherlock's cheeks flushed pink, a short nod of his head, curls bouncing lightly.

 

He clenched his first, remembering how those curls felt as he pulled them, causing Sherlock to moan, his neck exposed for Greg to lick and suck. To mark him.

 

“I'm as much to blame Sherlock. I knew better. I knew you could never, that you would never _feel_ the way I did.”

 

He swallowed down the lump in his throat, this was getting too much to deal with. Sherlock looked at him like he knew it all and it made him furious.

 

“STOP IT!”

Sherlock flinched, eyes wide. Greg didn't want to think too much about how good that felt.

 

“Don't look at me like you know me Sherlock! Don't assume you know everything about me. You are not better then me. Don't come to my home and make me feel worse about this!”

 

Sherlock took a step forward and Greg held up a hand, trying to calm down. His chest hurt and his head felt light.

 

“Why did you come here? Did you really think a sorry would just make it all better? You used me Sherlock! And the worst part is I knew and I let you do it anyway cause I'm too in love with you to say no!”

 

Sherlock's face got even paler at Greg's words and suddenly Greg had enough.

 

“Get out. Don't act all surprised now. You've known all along that I love you, you used it. Don't act all shocked now. I hope it helped Sherlock. Whatever you needed to get out of your system by fucking me, I hope it helped. Now get out before I throw you out.”

 

Sherlock stood frozen in place, gaping at Greg like a fish, which would have been comical any other time but now it made Greg see red.

 

“DON'T JUST STAND THERE! GET OUT!”

 

Sherlock woke from his shock, marching up to Greg with mixed emotions in his eyes. Before Greg knew what was happening Sherlock had him pinned to the door, his lips crashing with Lestrade's hard and insistent.

 

Greg felt Sherlock's body against his and he couldn't help the moan that escaped his throat. Sherlock's tongue went inside his mouth, claiming him,his legs being spread by Sherlock's knee. He moaned again as Sherlock's knee pressed against his groin, his cock waking up and being very interested as Sherlock's hand went to palm his cock.

 

“Shermmmh, stop, stop. Don't!”

 

Sherlock's mouth latched on to Greg's neck, sucking it with just the right amount of pressure, leaving tiny licks and bites the way Greg liked it. Sherlock pressed closer, his hands now on Greg's waist and Greg let out a moan as Sherlock pressed their cock's together.

 

“Damnit Sherlock! Stop!”

 

Greg finally had enough sense to grab Sherlock's shoulder, pushing him away slightly. Sherlock looked furious,his lips swollen from kissing and Greg pushed him again.

 

“You can't keep doing this to me! Do you have any idea what you do to me! It's not fair Sherlock, not fair at all.”

 

Greg choked on his words, tears forming as he closed his eyes tightly. He didn't want to cry, not for him, not for this. He was a grown man!

 

He pulled back as Sherlock cupped his face,gently stroking his cheek with his thumb. He looked into Greg's eyes and Greg couldn't run, couldn't hide. He wanted to read Sherlock the way Sherlock read him, wanted to know what was going on inside the man's head. Sherlock's lips were still swollen, his eyes large as he looked at Greg. It felt like standing naked in a room full of strangers.

 

“Sherlock, please.”

 

He didn't know what he was asking for. Was he even asking at all. His hands grabbed Sherlock's coat tightly and Sherlock kept looking at him, scanning his face.

 

“Greg.”

 

Greg blinked, grabbing Sherlock's coat tighter as his name spilled out of Sherlock's mouth. Sherlock's voice had always been a turn on, it sounded like smooth velvet and hot chocolate and hearing his name, his first name, come out of Sherlock's mouth made his knees shake.

 

“Greg, I'm sorry. I never meant for you to- to hate me.”

 

Sherlock leaned forward slightly, his lips inches from Greg's and Greg held his breath, not really knowing what he wanted to happen next.

 

“I- I need you Greg. I need you like the sun needs the day. I can't breath without you.”

 

Sherlock's lips landed on Greg's and it was like never before. For the first time Greg didn't feel anger or rage in it, no shame or disgust. It felt soft, almost loving and Greg kissed back hesitantly, not daring to push too far.

 

Sherlock let out a whimper, leaning his weight on Greg more, his hands still cupping Greg's face and Greg felt overwhelmed. They both panted after it, Sherlock placing one more kiss on his lips before letting go, creating some space between them.

 

Greg took a breath, watching as Sherlock just looked at him, his expression more open then ever before. He still felt Sherlock's body heat, smelled his cologne and he grabbed Sherlock's hand.

 

“What does this mean? What do you want Sherlock? I can't, I can't be a play thing Sherlock. I just- can't.”

 

Greg licked his lip, squeezing Sherlock's hand as Sherlock looked lost in thought.

 

“I want to give this a try.”

 

Sherlock stepped forward again, a determined look in his eyes.

 

“I know it's not the best start, or the most healthy one. I know you don't trust me right now and you have every right. But I want to give this, us, a shot. I can be the man you deserve Greg, I know I can.”

 

Sherlock starred at him with fire in his eyes and Greg just nodded. He believed him.

 

“What about John? You love him.”

 

Sherlock flinched and Greg closed his eyes a moment. He felt the softest of kisses on his cheek and opened his eyes.

 

“Things change Greg. It's been 6 months now, I miss him sometimes. I can't deny it. But, but I want you. Please, please give us a chance. John is the past. I want you to be my future.”

 

Sherlock stood close enough to rub his noise against Greg before pulling back to look at him.

 

“I will do everything I can to make this work. You are not a play thing Greg. Please, never believe that.”

 

Greg nodded his head again, pulling on Sherlock's coat to get the man closer. He gave a soft smile before leaning in and kissing him again. Sherlock let out a sound of surprise and Greg smiled into the kiss.

 

It wasn't the best start to something new indeed, but it was a start non the less.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know this could have been much better and more in dept but to be honest I just got too sad writing it so I couldn't make it longer. I wasn't sure of I should post it cause for me it's the saddest thing I've written so far, but some people might like it.  
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Title is from a song I heard on the radio.  
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> If I made any mistakes or you want to tell me how you liked it you can comment here or on my tumblr: http://readingfanficswatchingshows.tumblr.com/ 
> 
> If you want me to add tags you can send me an email to: KallistoIndrani@hotmail.com
> 
> I have a blog where you can find sneek peeks, updates and writer's tips: http://readingfanficswrites.tumblr.com/


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